Either or both may simply lack a strong sex drive. As for those marriages which are sexually inactive for a long period of time, this is a very valid question. Although you may feel alone in it, your partner is likely experiencing a parallel process even if they are on the other side of the equation. We communicate openly about our desires, even the parts of our sexual desires that simply don't match up. Women tend to connect on an emotional level, whereas men tend to connect on a physical level. Discuss your needs openly with each other. There are marriages which survive without sex, intimacy, and romance, however, but these are the attributes that set the relationship between a husband and a wife apart from all other familial ties. Instead, cultivate your own interests and pursue your hobbies and passions.
As my husband so clearly put it in the WSJ piece "We knew exactly what was going to happen every time we had sex. The most common reason? We need excitement, playfulness and mystery to activate our desire. So ladies, please understand he is not being unreasonable, he is not an animal, he is not perverted, he is not gross or pathetic if he wants sex often. It releases those endorphins that make us feel good. Women tend to connect on an emotional level, whereas men tend to connect on a physical level. One in four couples over the age of 50 say they are in a sexless marriage. Having sex can jump-start your engine, allowing your body to begin reproducing more sexual hormones that can remind you that you like sex, enjoy making love, and want to do it more often. It can get frustrating or partners may become complacent like roommates or both. The reality of a sexless marriage, where lack of intimacy is writ large, can be downright devastating for those living in a marriage without intimacy. If you are constantly criticizing him, correcting him in public, you can be emasculating him. Discuss your needs openly with each other. I know these magazine articles tell you the way to get him to make love to you is to buy all this lingerie and sex toys, and to try to be sexy, but it's probably not a sex issue as much as it is a relationship issue. Are you in a sexless marriage? Put your whole self into it — your mind, your body and your soul — and chances are, within a few minutes, you will start enjoying each yourself. A better question might be, is a marriage without physical intimacy really a marriage? Intimacy issues are not uncommon, and they can certainly be difficult to handle or awkward to address. Do you grin and bear it, or should you look for a new partner who keeps you happy in the bedroom? Some men do suffer from low testosterone. That way, you will learn how to make her feel good, if you take the time to find out. Having the sex talk, especially if you are unhappy, is probably the most vulnerable conversation a couple can have. You can always ease back in with a good, old-fashioned makeout session. But is either stress, or how you talk to him, or lack of friendship, what you are going to need to work on is the friendship. Take a small step toward being more sexual each and every day. Getty Simply sweeping it under the carpet, and crossing your fingers that your partner will feel the same, leads to disaster. They must come to a mutual understanding.
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