I would just like to massage your back. You might feel hurt, rejected, or unsexy because your spouse has been apathetic, but don't be critical; be kind and complimentary. Bring home a single rose. Rather than arguing about what is or isn't happening in your relationship, use the time to focus on yourself and find things to do that fulfill you: It can get more difficult to discuss the encounter and then have both your partners talk to each other about it.
I would suggest that you should first attempt to help your wife and work on your marriage before bringing in the added complication of a third person for sexual satisfaction. Each partner in a relationship needs to take personal responsibility for making things better. Small, seemingly unaware, random touches can make miracles happen! No matter how attracted you might be to your partner or how ready you might be to make love, for a certain period of time you should commit to not approaching him or her. He or she may feel inadequate, for example. Show your affection through random acts of kindness and she may be more likely to want to be close to you sexually when you do. I would first recommend consulting a specialist to identify the cause of the sexual difficulty faced by your wife. We want them to actually like it. Don't take it personally. During this time, you can take a walk in the park with your kid. When a partner with low sexual desire tells his or her spouse about the conditions that need to be in place in order to engage in or enjoy sex, the higher-sexed spouse often does not understand or accept the requests at face value. Men are microwaves, while women are slow cookers. I can't guarantee that telling your partner that you understand his or her feelings better will make that person want to jump into bed, but I can tell you that making your partner "wrong" won't do it. First, you have to remind her brain of your presence. Don't talk about the plan; just back off and wait. What seems like a dispassionate and selfless manner in which you wife is scouting for a partner for you, is actually her way of preserving the relationship because she may be aware of the sexual inhibitions or difficulties she is facing. Focus on her, without saying too much about yourself. You should let her know that you would help her overcome her sexual difficulty rather than have a physical relationship with your colleague. Touch her, but not like that. I would say be good to each other, be patient and you will find that your love will live through the challenges. Our society discourages women from being sexually expressive and free, imposing a lot of inhibitions, especially, post puberty. Repeat it back so you are sure you got it before moving on to the next one. Experiment and watch what happens. Just say calmly that because of the differences in your sexual appetites, you are so unhappy that you are considering doing something you really don't want to. If she likes the situation, she will advance the situation herself.
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